A young bride and groom to be had just selected their wedding rings. As the young lady admired the plain platinum and diamond band she had chosen for herself, she suddenly looked concerned. “Tell me,” she asked the rather elderly salesman “is there anything special I’ll have to do to […]
A father was explaining to his son the secrets of marriage, “Son you there are only a few things you need in a marriage: A woman who can cook, a woman who can clean, a woman who can satisfy you in the bedroom, and lastly you need to make sure […]
One night a lone cowboy rode into a small town. He immediately went to the only saloon in town and ordered a drink. While drinking he asked the bartender if there was a room and any women around. The bartender told him he had a room for rent and then […]
A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to church. Alarmed by the old fellow’s absence after so many years of faithful attendance the pastor went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the pastor asked, “How come after all these years […]
One day a man decided to retire, so he booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank. He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts. After about […]
A little old lady went to buy cat food. She picked up three cans, but was told by the clerk, “I’m sorry, but we can’t sell this to you without proof you have a cat. Too many seniors are buying cat foot to eat. Management wants proof that you are […]
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, “Do you know me?” To which she replies, “I think you’re the father of one of my […]
A 70 year old man asks his wife “Do you feel sad when you see me running after young girls?” His wife replied “No, not at all. Even dogs chase cars they can’t drive! McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and […]
On the first day at the new seniors complex, the manager addressed all the new seniors pointing out some of the rules: “The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males, and the male dormitory to the females. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first […]
A guy is walking down the street and sees a massive funeral procession. At the front of the line is a man with a pit bull, then 2 coffins, followed by 200 people. Curious, he asks the man what happened. “Well,” says the man, “My pitbull killed my wife last […]
Two men were having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course. They didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette. After two hours of waiting […]
A woman meets an elderly man in a bar. They talk. They connect. they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There […]
