One day a man decided to retire, so he booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank. He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts. After about […]
A little old lady went to buy cat food. She picked up three cans, but was told by the clerk, “I’m sorry, but we can’t sell this to you without proof you have a cat. Too many seniors are buying cat foot to eat. Management wants proof that you are […]
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, “Do you know me?” To which she replies, “I think you’re the father of one of my […]
A 70 year old man asks his wife “Do you feel sad when you see me running after young girls?” His wife replied “No, not at all. Even dogs chase cars they can’t drive! McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and […]
A young man and a young woman were soon to be married, but they both had a problem they had never told anyone else about. The man approached his father one day before the wedding and told him about his problem. His feet REALLY stunk, even if he washed them […]
A circus owner ran an ad for a lion tamer, and two young people showed up. One was a good-looking lad in his mid-twenties, and the other was a gorgeous blonde about the same age. The circus owner told them, “I’m not going to sugar-coat it. This is one ferocious […]
On the first day at the new seniors complex, the manager addressed all the new seniors pointing out some of the rules: “The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males, and the male dormitory to the females. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first […]
A distraught older woman is looking at herself in the mirror and crying. Her voice shakes as she says to her husband, “I’m so old. I’m so fat. I look horrible. I really need a compliment.” Her husband determined to quickly give his beloved the comfort she needs, exclaims, “Well, […]
Maria was a 19-year-old Mexican maid who worked for a wealthy Californian couple. She wasn’t well paid, and one day she asked her boss for a pay increase. Her boss was annoyed at this and asked, “Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?” Maria: “Well señora, there are […]
A little girl was asked what she wanted most for her birthday and she declared: “A baby brother.” “Daddy and I would like to give you a baby brother,” said her mom, “but there isn’t time before your birthday.” “Why don’t you do like they do down at Daddy’s factory […]
Attending a wedding for the first time, A little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?” “Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life,” her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. The child thought about this […]
There was a man who had three girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry. So he decided to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spent it. The first one went out and got a total makeover with the money. She got new clothes, […]
