Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled into the garage, […]
A man walks into a bar and orders 5 Whiskeys and downs them incredibly quickly. The barman says “That was quick!” “You’d drink them quickly if you had what I had…” replies the man. “Ohh, what’s that?” said the barman sympathetically. The man answers “no money.”
Irishman walks into a bar in the states and walks to the Bar and orders 3 pints… And the bartender says, i’m sorry sir here in the states we can only serve you one at a time. The Irishman responds by explaining “you see it comes from when me and […]
A shooting club was holding a competition. The winner was to get a somewhat ugly trophy, the second-placed shooter – a crate of champagne. By the end of the final round, two shooters were tied for fir st place, so they were told to do a tiebreaker round – 5 […]
A little boy about 12 years old is walking down the street dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of “a house of ill repute” and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked […]
A guy in a dimly lit bar turns to the woman next to him and says “hey you want to hear a blonde joke?” The woman responds, “before you tell your blonde joke, let me tell YOU something. I’m a professional MMA fighter and I’m blonde. The woman next to […]
He says to his grandson, “Hey Johnny, please fetch me the cup of medicine and the cup of soda over there.” Grandson says, “Sure, gramps, but why the soda?” Grandpa says, “I mix ’em together so that the medicine doesn’t taste so nasty.” Johnny says, “Oh, good idea”, and starts […]
A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, which came in a little white box to […]
This rooster wakes up early Easter Sunday morning. He sticks his head out of the chicken coop, and sees all these multicolored eggs all over the barnyard. He takes a look at the eggs, takes a look at the hens, takes another look at the eggs, takes one more look […]
A girl goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a red ‘H’ on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he’s so proud of it he […]
When his mother yelled at him, saying: “Can’t you find something to do? Like maybe go across the street and watch the construction workers build that new house? “ So, Johnny did. A few hours later, His father had just returned home from work. “Where were you, son?” He asked. […]
A guy’s talking to a girl in a bar.He asks her, “What’s your name?”She says, “Carmen.”He says, “That’s a nice name. Who named you, your mother?”She says, “No, I named myself.”He says, “Why Carmen?”She says, “Because I like cars and I like men. What’s your name?”He says, “Beerfuck.”
